- Chiiiiiiile, you should have seen the big bouquet of flowers my boo bought for me. No, it’s not my birthday, our anniversary or any “special” day. He said he bought them just ‘cause he loves me. Isn’t that sweet?
- You know, my friends all helped me move – for the third time! I paid for the moving van and they went and picked it up for me! They packed and unpacked everything without a scratch. And all I had to do was give them pizza and beer afterwards. They saved me a lot of money. But more than that, we had fun and I didn’t have any worries. What great friends!
- Look at those children being disrespectful to their parents. I’m glad MY children don’t act that way ‘cause I wouldn’t want to go to jail for homicide!
- You know, she really made that presentation come alive. The whole meeting was going downhill until she stepped in with all that historical data. She really spoke the client’s language, thank goodness! Wow. She saved our bacon!
And on and on and on and on and on. At least once in a while we share big and little things with someone – sometimes even a stranger – about folks who are important in our lives and who did something that made us smile, that met a need, that helped us, that we’re grateful for, that we didn’t have to do ourselves ‘cause they did it, etc. Know what I mean?
It’s wonderful to have something to tell. It’s wonderful to tell it. The question is, are you telling how wonderful your family member, partner and friends are to them – or just to others? Oh yeah, most of us may say things like, “Thank you!” “That’s so sweet.” “I love you.” “You were right on time.” But, do we give the details of what they’ve done and the impact of their actions and the difference they made? Or do we think: “Why do I have to give them the details? They did it! They know.” Do we take the time to ruminate on what the person did – things they either didn’t have to do or didn’t have to do the way and when they did it? I remember seeing this anonymous quote:
“A miracle isn’t just the thing that happened. It’s that it happened when you needed it to happen.”
We’ll tell people every detail of the things they do that are “wrong” and hurt, but not of the things that are “right” and help. And, if we don’t tell them about the wrong, hurtful things, we imprint them on our memories for all time and those things form the bricks and mortar that build the walls between us emotionally and even physically.
Without detailed, loving feedback (given to others and ourselves), over time we may become emotionally damaged, angry, sad, depressed, lonely, withdrawn, numb to other’s pain, resentful, selfish, compassionless, “un” and then “dis”believers in love and joy, happiness and the privilege of being alive, in this moment, on the planet with other beings.
Pretty much everyone acknowledges we are in a financial depression. What about the emotional depression that people from all walks of life, all nations, races and ethnicities, religions and belief systems are experiencing? Our world reflects the cancerous, gangrenous state of our hearts, minds and souls through all the war and violence that we perpetrate on one another and ourselves.
LIFEWORK
- Create bricks and mortar that are used to build connections to and with one another and ourselves.
- I challenge and humbly beg you to write and deliver or send, I Appreciate You cards, notes, emails to one other person and one to yourself today and every day for the rest of 2011. And, after you’ve developed the habit, who knows -- perhaps you’ll continue to do it for the rest of your life. Here’s the format:
- Dear (name of the person), I appreciate/value/love you for (state what they did in detail). You/it (state the impact and the difference what they did made to you, others and/or things.) I (state your feelings about what they did AND your feelings about them). Sign, date and send it to them.
- Here are a couple of examples:
- Dear Lorren, I so love and appreciate you for wanting to spend time with me this weekend. Thank you for welcoming me and making me comfortable in your home, for simply knowing that the first stop is always gonna be Chevy’s and a delicious flavor-of-the-season margarita (or two!) and guacamole. Thank you for the open conversations and for working to be sure we both understood one another thoroughly and completely, for being my very best friend. I feel so blessed to be your Mom. You have helped me learn how to be a nurturing Mother, a sagacious woman and truly supportive friend. You are such an important part of my life. You’re are wonderful and so easy to love! Mom. April 8, 2011.
- Dear Arik, I so love and appreciate you for doing the research for me to buy the 4-track recorder. I don’t speak that language. but I know you do. Thank you for speaking with the technician, finding out what I really need, translating that into language that I can understand without getting a headache or wanting to “throw up both my hands” as well as my lunch! Thank you for your advice about which piece of equipment to buy. You have earned and hold my ultimate confidence in you, your knowledge and ability and I’m so grateful to God that you are my personal sound technician. It saves me lots of time and energy to know I can depend up you to help me sort this out and to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are here to help and guide me through this process of recording tracks and sending them to my recording partner. The confidence and peace of mind I have about this, I owe to you. Thank you, my love. Mom. April 8, 2011
Think about starting and/or ending your day by sharing missives like this with people you know. Make it real! And remember to also write one to yourself. Can you imagine the impact on the person who receives your message of appreciation, valuing and/or love? How will you feel writing it? Allow yourself to smile. It’s its own reward! Can you imagine if every person on the planet – or the tipping point number of people – did this? What impact do you think it would/can/will have on them, families, communities, cities, states, nations?
I love you.
