The Gift of Love: Loving, Being Loved, Being Love-able

Today is the anniversary of the birth of my eldest brother, Tommie James Williams, Sr. He was born in 1942 so, if he were still living, we’d be celebrating his 68^th’ birthday together.

He was so handsome: beautiful brown skin, two deeeeeeep dimples, big brown eyes with long lashes, silky hair. The man was fine. And he was fun. Wacky, crazy fun. I remember he used to just threaten to tickle me by holding up his hands and wiggling his fingers in the air and I’d burst into laughter. I was his “little baby sister.” He asked our Mom to ask the stork to bring me to him. He got his wish. You just have to love someone who asked for you, right? Right.

He had a wonderful baritone singing voice – sounded like Lou Rawls. And whether he was on the basketball court or the dance floor, he was liquid motion – satiny smooth. The man had skills. He was a professional salesman and I used to think he could charm Eskimos into buying ice. Yep, the man had skills.

Like all of us, he had his down side, borne out of choices he made that brought darkness into his life. I know those things and do not deny them. And, what was and is greater than all of that. is all of the love and wonder I felt at being blessed to have been his “little baby sister.”

Today, I’m thinking of my big brother. Thinking of all the times we laughed and played together. The secrets we shared. How he protected me and made me feel so safe. I wanted to just follow him around like a little puppy all the time. He was my hero. And I guess that’s one of the reasons I called him “my Superman.”

Today, I’m groovin’ in the delight of the special gift he and his love were and are to me.

LIFEWORK:

1. Think on these questions: “Who is a gift to me? Who gifts me with love? And who gifts me with the privilege of being able to love them? Who receives my love with love?”

2. Who is the first person who comes to mind when you contemplate all four questions?

3. Do they know the gift(s) they have given/are giving you?

4. If not, what a great gift you can give them by telling them – today. Meet them face-to-face and bathe them with the reflection of love. If they already know, think of this as another opportunity to show & tell them.
[NOTE: If you cannot meet with them face to face, do the next best thing: perhaps a telephone call, a hand-written note. Yes, email and twittering works, but it’s soooo much better to take a little time to be just a tad more personal.

5. Remember to let them know what they’ve done/are doing and how it impacts you.

6. Enjoy this unending, living circle of love. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. Feels great doesn’t it?

7. Allow yourself to imagine and co-create this untapped power source. What things we can accomplish when love is our motivator and best reward.

8. Instead of “waiting to exhale,” look for, inhale, enjoy and exhale love into this precious relationship and in all that you do.

9. Think about it and, in the words of Jean Luc Picard of Star Trek fame, “Make it so.”

10. BONUS: As more people come to mind, guess what. You can repeat this lifework with them! How ‘bout that?! The more you give, the more you – and all of creation -- receive.

11. BONUS TWO: Remember to keep the inner circle of love flowing by giving love to yourself.

I love you.

Sticks and Stones ... and Words

You've probably heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Well, I have a question: What did somebody do or say (or not do or say) that prompted the barrage of sticks and stones – and knives, guns, wars and all kinds of abuse – in the first place? Let’s be real. Sticks and stones can DEFINITELY break bones. And words – weeeeeeeeeellll … . What about words?

What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the drive-by shooting? Alcohol, drug, sexual and power abuse? The beat-down in the alley? War? What did you or others say and do (or NOT say and do) that hurt and twisted someone sooo much that they are aggressively or passively doing and saying hurtful, twisted things to themselves and/or others today … or tomorrow?

What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the gentle holding of a baby? Sharing food with a “neighbor” they may have never met who lives in another house, or on another street, in another city, state or country? Stopping to help someone repair a flat tire or pick up groceries that have fallen out of a broken bag? Saying, “You’re so beautiful.” to a friend or a perfect stranger without any agenda other than to simply let them know they made your heart sing? Why do people do and say things that uplift, celebrate and make us smile? What did a family member, teacher, coach, life partner, co-worker, customer or stranger say or do to someone yesterday or today that will result in that person showing kindness, understanding or patience to someone else (or themselves) today … or tomorrow?

Which seeds are you planting in the lives of others and into your own life? Which words are you saying and what actions are you taking that begin the birthing process of thoughts and feelings? Are you cultivating hurt and brokenness which sprout guardedness, anger, resentment and fear? Or are you cultivating love and wholeness which sprout openness, safety, curiosity, joy and trust?

LIFEWORK:
1. Think before you speak or act. This will help you avoid the self-talk which often comes after you’ve spoken or acted of “should’a, would’a, could’a” … which can go on for daaays, weeks, months, years and lifetimes.
2. Remember that we “speak” with what we do and say and what we DON’T do and say.
3. Before responding to or initiating conversations (with YOURSELF and/or others), check your intention. And, take a leaf from the teachings of my friend and twin, Richard Friend (Friend & Associates, http://www.friendandassociates.com/a/rich.html ). Ask yourself, what impact do you intend and what behaviors will manifest both? Make sure all three are aligned: your intention, your behaviors and the impact of those behaviors on yourself and others.
4. Realize that deliberate thinking and purposeful intention can be the balm for a broken heart, can avoid breaking a heart or spirit in the first place, can help instead of hurt, can uplift instead of tread upon.

I love you.

What the hell?

You know what? Stuff happens. We make plans. Sometimes they work beautifully and sometimes they don’t. We fall in love. Sometimes the relationship works, grows and lasts forever and we’re filled with happiness and joy. And sometimes we have to pray not to hurt somebody reeeeaaaaaaaallllllll bad for what they (and we) have done and gone through. Sometimes life is so delicious we don’t have enough napkins to wipe up nor biscuits to “sop up” the yummified juice . And sometimes the lyrics to Marvin Gaye’s iconic song, “Inner City Blues (Makes Me Wanna Holler) sums up our experience perfectly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJR71e6zTtc&feature=related . I don't know about you, but sometimes I just have to ask, "What the hell?!!!!!!!" And "hell" has TWO syllables! That's hay-yell!

So, what do you do? I mean what are we supposed to think and do? How are we to react when life doesn’t kiss, hug and caress us, but instead smacks us up-side the head, and not too gently? I mean really. When I'm feeling like I'm in hell and having an AWFUL time, sometimes it just plain hurts. And sometimes, I'm doing good to just say, "What the hay-yell?!!!!"

Many people say, “It’s God’s Will.” I’m like, “Really?” What the hell? What kind of God deliberately sets us up for heartache and failure? The God I know and love who IS Love wouldn’t do that? I’m sure because I’m a parent and I know there’s no way in heaven or hell I’d deliberately hurt my children. No way, no how. I believe that God is Love and that’s the bottom line. And since that's so, I believe God is always doing loving things that show UP as loving things. But, sometimes, I just don't see it. (Of course, you may believe whatever you want and you know I love you as you do.)

I believe that myriad things conspire together for our temporary experience to be what it is and I believe sometimes God allows it. I also believe God isn’t standing there, arms crossed, passively. What kind of God is that? I wouldn’t want any parts of that kind of God. I mean, if I were dating someone and they deliberately caused or watched me fall off a cliff and then just looked or waved at me as I plummeted to my death, I’d be asking, “What the hell?!!!!!” And I'd have a few choice words for that person before I hit the ground. So I don’t believe God does that.

Here’s what I believe God is doing while we’re going through our stuff and asking "What the hell?!!!!!" I believe God is looking at everything, arranging and organizing the pieces of the puzzle of our lives so that we can find and experience Love – even as the flame of hell are lickin us to death.

In the midst of this hell, we have the opportunity to realize we are experiencing hell and then choose to actively, aggressively seek and experience Love. Sometimes that means staying in the situation and being and exuding Divine Love ourselves and, by so doing, we experience Love. Sometimes it means leaving the situation lovingly because THAT'S the highest good for us and everyone else. Whether we stay or go, when we are experiencing Love, the flames (pain, sorrow, anger, confusion, etc.) become cooler and cooler until they are no longer burning, but are warming us with the joy, gratitude, peace and thankfulness of lessons learned, trials overcome.

Folks, when I’ve “come to myself” as my Grandmother used to say, and realize I am the co-author of my experience and that I can choose to experience hell or Love, a few things can happen: 1. By pumping up the Love, I transmute/change the situation so that it actually becomes Love; (2) the situation doesn’t change, but my experience in it and thoughts about it does change so that I am experiencing and projecting Love; or (3) the situation stays the same and I remove myself -- lovingly but certainly I'm outta there. Either way, I no longer experience the flames. No, no, no, no. Instead, I experience the reality of the warm embrace of Love.

What ‘cha think of that? I invite you to try it!

LIFEWORK:
1. Acknowledge when things are going well and/or you are experiencing Love and when things are not going well and/or you are not experiencing Love.
2. When you are experiencing Love, share it with others. How? In whatever way feels most Loving!
3. When you are not experiencing Love, look it squarely in the face. Call it by name. And if you're to deeply in it and you can't, that's when you call on someone else who CAN and will stand in the gap for you because they love you just that much. (I can see I'll have to write about that one day soon -- standing in the gap.)
4. When you're burning, get in touch with all the feelings and thoughts you have about the experience, yourself and people and things involved. Express them. Ex: I am angry. I am confused. I’m sad. I’m so bored I could scream! I feel disrespected. I feel betrayed. Whatever your reaction is, look the hell directly in the face. Don’t flinch or turn away.
5. Now bathe everything – the hell (the experience of lack) with Love. Ex: I’ve lost my job. How can this be a benefit to me and others? Ask that and questions like it until you have no more questions. Then, challenge and open yourself up to God. Ask: How will not having to go to that job be in my highest good and the highest good of everyone I’m connected with? Then, be silent. Open yourself up to hear the ever-present answers. If you hear voices and words, or feelings to the contrary, embrace them. Love them. Add them to the question. Don't argue -- that's a distraction and just pulls you further down into the spiraling black hole.
6. Notice the stirrings of different thoughts/feelings. You’re co-creating Love! Congratulations.
7. Continue to focus on Love, knowing that Love is an action word and you’ll be guided to powerful, loving actions that benefit you and everyone around you.
8. Enjoy the process, the journey, and the positive, loving Outcome. Using the example above where the thought and reality are “I’ve lost my job.” look to see how you are led to invest the time, looking for a new job that is better in every way for you; building your network; (how ‘bout this one) getting in touch with your dream and calling, what you’ve known you really want to do and just weren’t doing it and DO IT!
9. Laugh and love. Yes, and eat and pray too!

I love you!