I stand for peace, love and inclusion. A world -- beginning with my intimate sphere -- where everyone experiences being respected, valued, welcomed, heard, appreciated and loved, if they're like me or not.
My race, age, sexual orientation, faith, etc., are all beautiful parts of who I am. I take nothing away from you by being me. You take noting away from me by being you. On the contrary, together, we magnify beauty and love in all it's diversity and wonder. How wonderful that neither of us has to change or earn the right to life, love, care and all the things I've mentioned. I don't have to change for you -- to be a duplicate of you. And guess what, you don't have to change to be a duplicate of me. If we tried, the best we could be would be faux, cheap (or maybe not so cheap) knock offs.
I am authentically me. I invite you to be your authentic self when you are with me. When we are authentic, we ooze, bathe, walk in, speak from and see all with love -- the love of the Divine.
I see you. Do you see me? If not, keep looking. Love is here. God is here. The Divine is here. Then, look for and see yourself.
I see you. Do you?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Gift of Love: Loving, Being Loved, Being Love-able
Today is the anniversary of the birth of my eldest brother, Tommie James Williams, Sr. He was born in 1942 so, if he were still living, we’d be celebrating his 68th’ birthday together.
He was so handsome: beautiful brown skin, two deeeeeeep dimples, big brown eyes with long lashes, silky hair. The man was fine. And he was fun. Wacky, crazy fun. I remember he used to just threaten to tickle me by holding up his hands and wiggling his fingers in the air and I’d burst into laughter. I was his “little baby sister.” He asked our Mom to ask the stork to bring me to him. He got his wish. You just have to love someone who asked for you, right? Right.
He had a wonderful baritone singing voice – sounded like Lou Rawls. And whether he was on the basketball court or the dance floor, he was liquid motion – satiny smooth. The man had skills. He was a professional salesman and I used to think he could charm Eskimos into buying ice. Yep, the man had skills.
Like all of us, he had his down side, borne out of choices he made that brought darkness into his life. I know those things and do not deny them. And, what was and is greater than all of that. is all of the love and wonder I felt at being blessed to have been his “little baby sister.”
Today, I’m thinking of my big brother. Thinking of all the times we laughed and played together. The secrets we shared. How he protected me and made me feel so safe. I wanted to just follow him around like a little puppy all the time. He was my hero. And I guess that’s one of the reasons I called him “my Superman.”
Today, I’m groovin’ in the delight of the special gift he and his love were and are to me.
LIFEWORK:
1. Think on these questions: “Who is a gift to me? Who gifts me with love? And who gifts me with the privilege of being able to love them? Who receives my love with love?”
2. Who is the first person who comes to mind when you contemplate all four questions?
3. Do they know the gift(s) they have given/are giving you?
4. If not, what a great gift you can give them by telling them – today. Meet them face-to-face and bathe them with the reflection of love. If they already know, think of this as another opportunity to show & tell them.
[NOTE: If you cannot meet with them face to face, do the next best thing: perhaps a telephone call, a hand-written note. Yes, email and twittering works, but it’s soooo much better to take a little time to be just a tad more personal.
5. Remember to let them know what they’ve done/are doing and how it impacts you.
6. Enjoy this unending, living circle of love. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. Feels great doesn’t it?
7. Allow yourself to imagine and co-create this untapped power source. What things we can accomplish when love is our motivator and best reward.
8. Instead of “waiting to exhale,” look for, inhale, enjoy and exhale love into this precious relationship and in all that you do.
9. Think about it and, in the words of Jean Luc Picard of Star Trek fame, “Make it so.”
10. BONUS: As more people come to mind, guess what. You can repeat this lifework with them! How ‘bout that?! The more you give, the more you – and all of creation -- receive.
11. BONUS TWO: Remember to keep the inner circle of love flowing by giving love to yourself.
I love you.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sticks and Stones ... and Words
You've probably heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Well, I have a question: What did somebody do or say (or not do or say) that prompted the barrage of sticks and stones – and knives, guns, wars and all kinds of abuse – in the first place? Let’s be real. Sticks and stones can DEFINITELY break bones. And words – weeeeeeeeeellll … . What about words?
What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the drive-by shooting? Alcohol, drug, sexual and power abuse? The beat-down in the alley? War? What did you or others say and do (or NOT say and do) that hurt and twisted someone sooo much that they are aggressively or passively doing and saying hurtful, twisted things to themselves and/or others today … or tomorrow?
What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the gentle holding of a baby? Sharing food with a “neighbor” they may have never met who lives in another house, or on another street, in another city, state or country? Stopping to help someone repair a flat tire or pick up groceries that have fallen out of a broken bag? Saying, “You’re so beautiful.” to a friend or a perfect stranger without any agenda other than to simply let them know they made your heart sing? Why do people do and say things that uplift, celebrate and make us smile? What did a family member, teacher, coach, life partner, co-worker, customer or stranger say or do to someone yesterday or today that will result in that person showing kindness, understanding or patience to someone else (or themselves) today … or tomorrow?
Which seeds are you planting in the lives of others and into your own life? Which words are you saying and what actions are you taking that begin the birthing process of thoughts and feelings? Are you cultivating hurt and brokenness which sprout guardedness, anger, resentment and fear? Or are you cultivating love and wholeness which sprout openness, safety, curiosity, joy and trust?
LIFEWORK:
1. Think before you speak or act. This will help you avoid the self-talk which often comes after you’ve spoken or acted of “should’a, would’a, could’a” … which can go on for daaays, weeks, months, years and lifetimes.
2. Remember that we “speak” with what we do and say and what we DON’T do and say.
3. Before responding to or initiating conversations (with YOURSELF and/or others), check your intention. And, take a leaf from the teachings of my friend and twin, Richard Friend (Friend & Associates, http://www.friendandassociates.com/a/rich.html ). Ask yourself, what impact do you intend and what behaviors will manifest both? Make sure all three are aligned: your intention, your behaviors and the impact of those behaviors on yourself and others.
4. Realize that deliberate thinking and purposeful intention can be the balm for a broken heart, can avoid breaking a heart or spirit in the first place, can help instead of hurt, can uplift instead of tread upon.
I love you.
What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the drive-by shooting? Alcohol, drug, sexual and power abuse? The beat-down in the alley? War? What did you or others say and do (or NOT say and do) that hurt and twisted someone sooo much that they are aggressively or passively doing and saying hurtful, twisted things to themselves and/or others today … or tomorrow?
What words did people grow up hearing and learn to say? What things were they told yesterday that today influence, motivate, result in the gentle holding of a baby? Sharing food with a “neighbor” they may have never met who lives in another house, or on another street, in another city, state or country? Stopping to help someone repair a flat tire or pick up groceries that have fallen out of a broken bag? Saying, “You’re so beautiful.” to a friend or a perfect stranger without any agenda other than to simply let them know they made your heart sing? Why do people do and say things that uplift, celebrate and make us smile? What did a family member, teacher, coach, life partner, co-worker, customer or stranger say or do to someone yesterday or today that will result in that person showing kindness, understanding or patience to someone else (or themselves) today … or tomorrow?
Which seeds are you planting in the lives of others and into your own life? Which words are you saying and what actions are you taking that begin the birthing process of thoughts and feelings? Are you cultivating hurt and brokenness which sprout guardedness, anger, resentment and fear? Or are you cultivating love and wholeness which sprout openness, safety, curiosity, joy and trust?
LIFEWORK:
1. Think before you speak or act. This will help you avoid the self-talk which often comes after you’ve spoken or acted of “should’a, would’a, could’a” … which can go on for daaays, weeks, months, years and lifetimes.
2. Remember that we “speak” with what we do and say and what we DON’T do and say.
3. Before responding to or initiating conversations (with YOURSELF and/or others), check your intention. And, take a leaf from the teachings of my friend and twin, Richard Friend (Friend & Associates, http://www.friendandassociates.com/a/rich.html ). Ask yourself, what impact do you intend and what behaviors will manifest both? Make sure all three are aligned: your intention, your behaviors and the impact of those behaviors on yourself and others.
4. Realize that deliberate thinking and purposeful intention can be the balm for a broken heart, can avoid breaking a heart or spirit in the first place, can help instead of hurt, can uplift instead of tread upon.
I love you.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
What the hell?
You know what? Stuff happens. We make plans. Sometimes they work beautifully and sometimes they don’t. We fall in love. Sometimes the relationship works, grows and lasts forever and we’re filled with happiness and joy. And sometimes we have to pray not to hurt somebody reeeeaaaaaaaallllllll bad for what they (and we) have done and gone through. Sometimes life is so delicious we don’t have enough napkins to wipe up nor biscuits to “sop up” the yummified juice . And sometimes the lyrics to Marvin Gaye’s iconic song, “Inner City Blues (Makes Me Wanna Holler) sums up our experience perfectly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJR71e6zTtc&feature=related . I don't know about you, but sometimes I just have to ask, "What the hell?!!!!!!!" And "hell" has TWO syllables! That's hay-yell!
So, what do you do? I mean what are we supposed to think and do? How are we to react when life doesn’t kiss, hug and caress us, but instead smacks us up-side the head, and not too gently? I mean really. When I'm feeling like I'm in hell and having an AWFUL time, sometimes it just plain hurts. And sometimes, I'm doing good to just say, "What the hay-yell?!!!!"
Many people say, “It’s God’s Will.” I’m like, “Really?” What the hell? What kind of God deliberately sets us up for heartache and failure? The God I know and love who IS Love wouldn’t do that? I’m sure because I’m a parent and I know there’s no way in heaven or hell I’d deliberately hurt my children. No way, no how. I believe that God is Love and that’s the bottom line. And since that's so, I believe God is always doing loving things that show UP as loving things. But, sometimes, I just don't see it. (Of course, you may believe whatever you want and you know I love you as you do.)
I believe that myriad things conspire together for our temporary experience to be what it is and I believe sometimes God allows it. I also believe God isn’t standing there, arms crossed, passively. What kind of God is that? I wouldn’t want any parts of that kind of God. I mean, if I were dating someone and they deliberately caused or watched me fall off a cliff and then just looked or waved at me as I plummeted to my death, I’d be asking, “What the hell?!!!!!” And I'd have a few choice words for that person before I hit the ground. So I don’t believe God does that.
Here’s what I believe God is doing while we’re going through our stuff and asking "What the hell?!!!!!" I believe God is looking at everything, arranging and organizing the pieces of the puzzle of our lives so that we can find and experience Love – even as the flame of hell are lickin us to death.
In the midst of this hell, we have the opportunity to realize we are experiencing hell and then choose to actively, aggressively seek and experience Love. Sometimes that means staying in the situation and being and exuding Divine Love ourselves and, by so doing, we experience Love. Sometimes it means leaving the situation lovingly because THAT'S the highest good for us and everyone else. Whether we stay or go, when we are experiencing Love, the flames (pain, sorrow, anger, confusion, etc.) become cooler and cooler until they are no longer burning, but are warming us with the joy, gratitude, peace and thankfulness of lessons learned, trials overcome.
Folks, when I’ve “come to myself” as my Grandmother used to say, and realize I am the co-author of my experience and that I can choose to experience hell or Love, a few things can happen: 1. By pumping up the Love, I transmute/change the situation so that it actually becomes Love; (2) the situation doesn’t change, but my experience in it and thoughts about it does change so that I am experiencing and projecting Love; or (3) the situation stays the same and I remove myself -- lovingly but certainly I'm outta there. Either way, I no longer experience the flames. No, no, no, no. Instead, I experience the reality of the warm embrace of Love.
What ‘cha think of that? I invite you to try it!
LIFEWORK:
1. Acknowledge when things are going well and/or you are experiencing Love and when things are not going well and/or you are not experiencing Love.
2. When you are experiencing Love, share it with others. How? In whatever way feels most Loving!
3. When you are not experiencing Love, look it squarely in the face. Call it by name. And if you're to deeply in it and you can't, that's when you call on someone else who CAN and will stand in the gap for you because they love you just that much. (I can see I'll have to write about that one day soon -- standing in the gap.)
4. When you're burning, get in touch with all the feelings and thoughts you have about the experience, yourself and people and things involved. Express them. Ex: I am angry. I am confused. I’m sad. I’m so bored I could scream! I feel disrespected. I feel betrayed. Whatever your reaction is, look the hell directly in the face. Don’t flinch or turn away.
5. Now bathe everything – the hell (the experience of lack) with Love. Ex: I’ve lost my job. How can this be a benefit to me and others? Ask that and questions like it until you have no more questions. Then, challenge and open yourself up to God. Ask: How will not having to go to that job be in my highest good and the highest good of everyone I’m connected with? Then, be silent. Open yourself up to hear the ever-present answers. If you hear voices and words, or feelings to the contrary, embrace them. Love them. Add them to the question. Don't argue -- that's a distraction and just pulls you further down into the spiraling black hole.
6. Notice the stirrings of different thoughts/feelings. You’re co-creating Love! Congratulations.
7. Continue to focus on Love, knowing that Love is an action word and you’ll be guided to powerful, loving actions that benefit you and everyone around you.
8. Enjoy the process, the journey, and the positive, loving Outcome. Using the example above where the thought and reality are “I’ve lost my job.” look to see how you are led to invest the time, looking for a new job that is better in every way for you; building your network; (how ‘bout this one) getting in touch with your dream and calling, what you’ve known you really want to do and just weren’t doing it and DO IT!
9. Laugh and love. Yes, and eat and pray too!
I love you!
So, what do you do? I mean what are we supposed to think and do? How are we to react when life doesn’t kiss, hug and caress us, but instead smacks us up-side the head, and not too gently? I mean really. When I'm feeling like I'm in hell and having an AWFUL time, sometimes it just plain hurts. And sometimes, I'm doing good to just say, "What the hay-yell?!!!!"
Many people say, “It’s God’s Will.” I’m like, “Really?” What the hell? What kind of God deliberately sets us up for heartache and failure? The God I know and love who IS Love wouldn’t do that? I’m sure because I’m a parent and I know there’s no way in heaven or hell I’d deliberately hurt my children. No way, no how. I believe that God is Love and that’s the bottom line. And since that's so, I believe God is always doing loving things that show UP as loving things. But, sometimes, I just don't see it. (Of course, you may believe whatever you want and you know I love you as you do.)
I believe that myriad things conspire together for our temporary experience to be what it is and I believe sometimes God allows it. I also believe God isn’t standing there, arms crossed, passively. What kind of God is that? I wouldn’t want any parts of that kind of God. I mean, if I were dating someone and they deliberately caused or watched me fall off a cliff and then just looked or waved at me as I plummeted to my death, I’d be asking, “What the hell?!!!!!” And I'd have a few choice words for that person before I hit the ground. So I don’t believe God does that.
Here’s what I believe God is doing while we’re going through our stuff and asking "What the hell?!!!!!" I believe God is looking at everything, arranging and organizing the pieces of the puzzle of our lives so that we can find and experience Love – even as the flame of hell are lickin us to death.
In the midst of this hell, we have the opportunity to realize we are experiencing hell and then choose to actively, aggressively seek and experience Love. Sometimes that means staying in the situation and being and exuding Divine Love ourselves and, by so doing, we experience Love. Sometimes it means leaving the situation lovingly because THAT'S the highest good for us and everyone else. Whether we stay or go, when we are experiencing Love, the flames (pain, sorrow, anger, confusion, etc.) become cooler and cooler until they are no longer burning, but are warming us with the joy, gratitude, peace and thankfulness of lessons learned, trials overcome.
Folks, when I’ve “come to myself” as my Grandmother used to say, and realize I am the co-author of my experience and that I can choose to experience hell or Love, a few things can happen: 1. By pumping up the Love, I transmute/change the situation so that it actually becomes Love; (2) the situation doesn’t change, but my experience in it and thoughts about it does change so that I am experiencing and projecting Love; or (3) the situation stays the same and I remove myself -- lovingly but certainly I'm outta there. Either way, I no longer experience the flames. No, no, no, no. Instead, I experience the reality of the warm embrace of Love.
What ‘cha think of that? I invite you to try it!
LIFEWORK:
1. Acknowledge when things are going well and/or you are experiencing Love and when things are not going well and/or you are not experiencing Love.
2. When you are experiencing Love, share it with others. How? In whatever way feels most Loving!
3. When you are not experiencing Love, look it squarely in the face. Call it by name. And if you're to deeply in it and you can't, that's when you call on someone else who CAN and will stand in the gap for you because they love you just that much. (I can see I'll have to write about that one day soon -- standing in the gap.)
4. When you're burning, get in touch with all the feelings and thoughts you have about the experience, yourself and people and things involved. Express them. Ex: I am angry. I am confused. I’m sad. I’m so bored I could scream! I feel disrespected. I feel betrayed. Whatever your reaction is, look the hell directly in the face. Don’t flinch or turn away.
5. Now bathe everything – the hell (the experience of lack) with Love. Ex: I’ve lost my job. How can this be a benefit to me and others? Ask that and questions like it until you have no more questions. Then, challenge and open yourself up to God. Ask: How will not having to go to that job be in my highest good and the highest good of everyone I’m connected with? Then, be silent. Open yourself up to hear the ever-present answers. If you hear voices and words, or feelings to the contrary, embrace them. Love them. Add them to the question. Don't argue -- that's a distraction and just pulls you further down into the spiraling black hole.
6. Notice the stirrings of different thoughts/feelings. You’re co-creating Love! Congratulations.
7. Continue to focus on Love, knowing that Love is an action word and you’ll be guided to powerful, loving actions that benefit you and everyone around you.
8. Enjoy the process, the journey, and the positive, loving Outcome. Using the example above where the thought and reality are “I’ve lost my job.” look to see how you are led to invest the time, looking for a new job that is better in every way for you; building your network; (how ‘bout this one) getting in touch with your dream and calling, what you’ve known you really want to do and just weren’t doing it and DO IT!
9. Laugh and love. Yes, and eat and pray too!
I love you!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Celebration!
Celebrate good times, come on! The lyrics of Kool & The Gang's iconic song come to mind and are soooooo appropriate for this post!
This coming Wednesday, August 18th, is my birthday. YAY! I get excited about birthdays – mine and everyone else’s. For me, it’s my personal New Year. I take stock, look back over the last 12 months, and celebrate the things I learned and did that helped others or brought them joy, happiness, satisfaction, success and/or love. I look at things I did that brought myself or others pain. I also look at when I was witness to or recipient to joy and sorrow that I did not consciously have a hand in, and how I responded.
After taking these inventories, I express gratitude for each learning and opportunity – and for the good that was experienced as the good, bad and even ugly. Then I answer the question, “Now what?” I mean this is good stuff. Reflecting on 12 months of deliciousness that I digested easily and sometimes that gave me heartburn. After all of that, how will I use what I experienced and learned to experience each day of the next 12 months even more joyfully, more lovingly, more completely. These things are not resolutions, they are much more than that. They are commitments and covenants I make with myself, with God, with creation. The goals are high – I can do it! And as a wise person once said, if you set your sights on the stars, you may fall on the moon, but you’re still on higher ground.
So, this Wednesday, I have a date. A date with myself. The outcomes will provide the direction and goals for the coming 12 months.
Now, of course, after all that work, I can’t just celebrate for one day. Oh no. I believe in celebrating my birthday for 6 months. Then, I begin practicing for the next 6 – how I will celebrate on the next birthday and the 6 months thereafter. Part of the 12-months of celebration is to celebrate everything, all holidays, all birthdays, all anniversaries – everything I can. Notice the energy of people who are celebrating. Infectious in a totally phantasmagorical way! I encourage you to join me. Let me know what you celebrate so I can put it and the date on my calendar!
LIFEWORK:
1. Identify the things in your life that are special, exciting, that you’re grateful for. Any and all of those things.
2. Identify how and when you will celebrate them. Who’s involved? When and how will you celebrate. Remember to include days and times where you celebrate alone. That’s a very powerful, intimate, celebration that strengthens in ways that may astound you.
3. Simply, enjoy your life. Be grateful and go on a gratitude hunt. What’s in your life to be grateful for? If sorrows or regrets come to mind, acknowledge them, then say, “ And, I am grateful for … .” Always finish with a statement of gratitude, no matter how the statement begins. Notice the change in your energy and subsequent experiences.
I love you!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Follow up to 8-7 Remember Me Blog
Thank you, all, for responding to the 8-7 post! One of the persons who responded directly to me via email said this:
"My question to you, when all is said and done and the message isn't received by the recipient, then what.? That part always bothers me as much as the event or incident that took place. People are so defensive, they do not want to hear what you say and give them even if it is said in love. I can not say thayt my hurts or disappointments are more than the next person, but I can say that they have caused me to be cynical in some respects to the point that it is hard for me to be open and honest with anyone. "
My response:
Beloved, this is precisely what the 8-7 blog is about. The event and initial pain has occurred. As with you, sometimes we address it with the party involved. When we do, and they don't respond, it feels like we've been slashed again, only this time deeper. Even MORE questions about them and ourselves arise, along with MORE judgment, along with MORE "fight or flight" responses. Both these "natural" responses 'cause us to pull back, retreat from fully living in and giving and receiving love. Part of your admitted cynicism (totally understandable, by the way) and the fact that it is "hard for me to be open and honest with anyone" is the outcome for you and many others. Oh yes, there are other responses too. And many times the final answer is that they all lead to our not living fully in love.
As I said on 8-7, it would be wonderful if everyone showed up and took responsibility, participated actively -- if they played nicely. But, since we are living in a dynamic dimension, universe and planet where we have c h o i c e, sometimes others choose not to show up at all and, even if they do, they do't always play nicely.
So, here we are with this question: What is YOUR choice? I find that when I have an attachment -- particularly an emotional attachment -- to the outcome, it's often more difficult for me to let it go, to honor them and respect their choice. I soul search and mind jog until I'm tired and either shut down or explode. Neither of these options are loving to anyone, including myself. When this happens, a little piece of my heart hardens to protect itself and me from further pain. The LIFEWORK I suggested on 8-7 is meant to free us from attachment to outcome, expectation of the other person or situation, the ongoing impact of disappointment and from all future pain and suffering of choices someone else has made. At one point in my life I would have only looked at it as giving my power over to someone else and the fact that the thought of that made me fairly sick at the stomach. As I've embarked on my "spiritual evolution," I find that the worse thing is that I was fairly sick at the soul. And that resolved in my not living in love. Note I do not say my inability, I was/am and we are always able to live in love, we simply or complicatedly decide not to. Those decisions are both conscious and unconcious.
I say, realize you're in a love coma. Wake up! Choose again. This time wisely. That just means, choose to have your human heart, mind and body reaction to disappointment (or whatever). Then, allow the love that is ever-present in your soul to help you surrender to love. (Aztecs, thank you for that word.) Giving up is not the same as surrendering. I'm not suggestiong that you give up your feelings, thoughts, pain and cynicism. I'm asking you to surrender them to your soul, to love, to Love -- which I call God.
Now, how do you do that? There are many healing modalities: mediation, prayer, therapy (soul, body and mind), journaling, group and individual study, etc.
LIFEWORK:
1. CHOOSE to live in and be Love.
2. CHOOSE to find whatever works for you. You'll know it because there is a simultaneous quickening and calming of your spirit, heart and mind.
3. CHOOSE to give your power to love and healing, not building and maintaining a wall around your heart. This leads to "heart attacks." Ever think about that? Aside from birth "defects," people say our inappropriate diets, lack of exercise, etc., lead to heart attacks. That's true. But what leads us down those paths? Wonder if it's sometimes that we are hiding, masking, building walls made of bricks of inappropriate behavior around our hearts and they, responding from a lack of what is appropriate (mainly love) explode, attack us, trying to get our attention to what we are doing to kill ourselves, our love. Hummmmm ...
4. CHOOSE to look at the choices you are making about self-talk, what you participate in (conversations, activities, etc.), then evaluate whether they are increasing or decreasing love.
5. CHOOSE again, this day, this moment. CHOOSE Love.
I love you.
"My question to you, when all is said and done and the message isn't received by the recipient, then what.? That part always bothers me as much as the event or incident that took place. People are so defensive, they do not want to hear what you say and give them even if it is said in love. I can not say thayt my hurts or disappointments are more than the next person, but I can say that they have caused me to be cynical in some respects to the point that it is hard for me to be open and honest with anyone. "
My response:
Beloved, this is precisely what the 8-7 blog is about. The event and initial pain has occurred. As with you, sometimes we address it with the party involved. When we do, and they don't respond, it feels like we've been slashed again, only this time deeper. Even MORE questions about them and ourselves arise, along with MORE judgment, along with MORE "fight or flight" responses. Both these "natural" responses 'cause us to pull back, retreat from fully living in and giving and receiving love. Part of your admitted cynicism (totally understandable, by the way) and the fact that it is "hard for me to be open and honest with anyone" is the outcome for you and many others. Oh yes, there are other responses too. And many times the final answer is that they all lead to our not living fully in love.
As I said on 8-7, it would be wonderful if everyone showed up and took responsibility, participated actively -- if they played nicely. But, since we are living in a dynamic dimension, universe and planet where we have c h o i c e, sometimes others choose not to show up at all and, even if they do, they do't always play nicely.
So, here we are with this question: What is YOUR choice? I find that when I have an attachment -- particularly an emotional attachment -- to the outcome, it's often more difficult for me to let it go, to honor them and respect their choice. I soul search and mind jog until I'm tired and either shut down or explode. Neither of these options are loving to anyone, including myself. When this happens, a little piece of my heart hardens to protect itself and me from further pain. The LIFEWORK I suggested on 8-7 is meant to free us from attachment to outcome, expectation of the other person or situation, the ongoing impact of disappointment and from all future pain and suffering of choices someone else has made. At one point in my life I would have only looked at it as giving my power over to someone else and the fact that the thought of that made me fairly sick at the stomach. As I've embarked on my "spiritual evolution," I find that the worse thing is that I was fairly sick at the soul. And that resolved in my not living in love. Note I do not say my inability, I was/am and we are always able to live in love, we simply or complicatedly decide not to. Those decisions are both conscious and unconcious.
I say, realize you're in a love coma. Wake up! Choose again. This time wisely. That just means, choose to have your human heart, mind and body reaction to disappointment (or whatever). Then, allow the love that is ever-present in your soul to help you surrender to love. (Aztecs, thank you for that word.) Giving up is not the same as surrendering. I'm not suggestiong that you give up your feelings, thoughts, pain and cynicism. I'm asking you to surrender them to your soul, to love, to Love -- which I call God.
Now, how do you do that? There are many healing modalities: mediation, prayer, therapy (soul, body and mind), journaling, group and individual study, etc.
LIFEWORK:
1. CHOOSE to live in and be Love.
2. CHOOSE to find whatever works for you. You'll know it because there is a simultaneous quickening and calming of your spirit, heart and mind.
3. CHOOSE to give your power to love and healing, not building and maintaining a wall around your heart. This leads to "heart attacks." Ever think about that? Aside from birth "defects," people say our inappropriate diets, lack of exercise, etc., lead to heart attacks. That's true. But what leads us down those paths? Wonder if it's sometimes that we are hiding, masking, building walls made of bricks of inappropriate behavior around our hearts and they, responding from a lack of what is appropriate (mainly love) explode, attack us, trying to get our attention to what we are doing to kill ourselves, our love. Hummmmm ...
4. CHOOSE to look at the choices you are making about self-talk, what you participate in (conversations, activities, etc.), then evaluate whether they are increasing or decreasing love.
5. CHOOSE again, this day, this moment. CHOOSE Love.
I love you.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Remember Me
I just saw this movie today. It was one of my Netflix DVD's. It starts off slowly. Then gets really intense. Quick overview:
Father -- Pierce Brosnan; Son -- Robert Pattinson; other wonderful actors including Chris Cooper (who always grabs and keeps my attention); tenderly and powerfully directed by Allen Coulter. It's a story about the tragedies that people and families experience, their struggle to survive and keep hold of themselves as individuals, the swim from the depths pain to the surface and the experience of the first gasp of air after not being able to breathe for what has seemed like a lifetime. It's powerful.
After watching it, I began to think, "What's the most important thing about this picture? What's it's greatest gift and message?" For me, it is:
* When all is said and done, it's ALL about the love. Success, nice. Comfort, wonderful -- and I really do want it! Things (including money), great. But if your heart and mind do not experience love, there's no possibility of experiencing these things at the optimum. Oh you may have a level of enjoyment even a lot of it. But the only way you can experience every drop of enjoyment is when you also experience love. That's it. Bottom line. This blog today is about love -- big picture. You fill in the names. I know who and what I think of. I have a clear picture in my mind. I'm sure about the order in which they rank in my heart.
Let's be real. Things happen in our lives. Alone with joy and happiness, we all experience varying degrees of disappointment, confusion, suffering, pain, tragedy and horror. It's not about a hierarcy. What feels like the end of the world for one may seem like nothing to another. It's so personal. So, don't even bother about trying to understand why something is so important to someone else or try to get them to understand why you're happy or sad about something that's not in their radar field. We all have things that uplife and energize and bring joy. And, in this third dimension, we all have at least one thing that makes us catch or hold our breath or grab our faces (literally or figuratively) like Macaulay Culkin did in the Home Alone movies. Others may dissapoint us, hurt us, scar us; we may do these things to ourselves. But what would you do if you thought you were going to die today. Suppose you only had 4 hours to live. What would you do with those hours? What would you want to say -- or try to say -- to the one that you care for/about? And believe it, if you're still thinking about it/them, you still care.
What would you want to take with you out of this life? Resentment or forgiveness? Hatred or love? Sorrow or joy? Regret or resolve? Uncertainty or certainty? Think about it. Not what do you want to leave behind -- rather, what do you want to take with you? Answer this question: If I only had 4 hours to live and I had the opportunity to address this person/thing that I have unanswered questions about, pain around, etc., so that I could die peacefully, happily and joyfully -- what would I do?
Write your answer to all that out, then speak it, then take action and DO it! If the person you need to reconnect with isn't available physically, emotionally or mentally -- in other words, if they're dead already or if, after you've exhausted all leads and resources, you can't reach them or if when you DO reach them THEY have no interest in resolving, reconciling or healing, you'll have to work to achieve peace within yourself alone. This is waaaaaaaaaaaay hard. It's so much easier when everyone wants to play nice together.
But let's be real, sometimes it just ain't gonna happen in this lifetime. Soooooo, this is where you reach in our out for tapped or untapped resources to work through it to your healing -- your release and relief.
A personal sharing: I had to do this when my Dad died and we had unresolved things between us. It took me 30 days to get through the desire to kill myself (literally, I considered suicide off and on for 30 days. I know that'll shock some people who know me). And it took me three years to get to a place where I could really forgive both myself and him. But do it I did. Know why? 'Cause I was not fully able to participate to the fullest in a love relationship with my children. and that's the most important relationship to me on Earth. They were my motivation to work through it. To breathe and continue breathing, and to live and enjoy life. They were my motivation to "livforjoy."
Sooooooooo, think about a person or people in your life that if you could show up fully so that you're not putting energy into or being distracted because you're guarded, shielded, hurt or suffering, replaying and rehashing the pain; but if you showed up fully, your relationship with them would be so delicious your appetite would be sated for the rest of your life. Let that person/those people be your motivation.
LIFEWORK
1. Look at the things that you're happy, content, joyful about. You get it, whatever is an upper for you. List those people, places and things on paper. What's the upper you experience with and because of them? What's the impact and to/on who or what? What makes it delicious?
2. Look at those sthings that you're not happy, etc., about. Those things that are downers. As with #1, list those people, places and things on paper. What's the downer you experience with and because of them? What's the impact and to/oh who or what? What makes it a downer?
It's very important to acknowledge and honor all your thoughts and feelings. Don't try to rationalize or justify, make excuses for, maximize or minimize. Just be real with yourself. Honor yourself, love yourself enough to admit. Whatever feelings come up, let them. Honor and embrace them. Give them voice. Let your tears come -- they'll serve as part of the healing and joy.
3. Who are your motivators? What do they mean to you? Why are they important to you? What will be the impact to them if you begin to live fully in love? If you do not? What will the impact be to you and your relationship to them if live fully in love? If you do not?
4. Now, here's how you begin to swim to the surface and not stay at the bottom. Ask and answer the question, "If I only had 4 hours to live and I was with the person or in the situation identified in #2 above, what would I and do and say so that when the 4 hours was up, I'd be happy, content, joyful about this person/situation?"
5. Whatever your answer(s), DO IT! You're probably saying, "that's easy for her to say." Yes. It is! And no, I'm not experiencing YOUR pain. But I've had my own and know what I had to do with and for that. It's true, it's easy and fast sometimes and way hard and slow at other times. Can it be done? Can you really live fully in love? Yes.
6. Remind yourself why you're doing all th work. Go back and read (and maybe even add to) #3, above.
7. Hold on to your motivators -- those people and reasons you want to be more fully joyful and joy-filled -- and step into the work. You may have sore muscle for a while, but then, like all exercise, as your muscles build, the "burn" starts to feel good, until there isn't a burn, only warmth. Feel it. That's the warm, the glow of love. Isn't that a song? No? Guess the song is That's the story of love. Well, you get my drift! (-:
8. Build your action plan, then do it. Enlist others as resources ... folk who will help you hold yourself accountable to something that will make a difference in your life and that of others who are important to you.
I love you!
Father -- Pierce Brosnan; Son -- Robert Pattinson; other wonderful actors including Chris Cooper (who always grabs and keeps my attention); tenderly and powerfully directed by Allen Coulter. It's a story about the tragedies that people and families experience, their struggle to survive and keep hold of themselves as individuals, the swim from the depths pain to the surface and the experience of the first gasp of air after not being able to breathe for what has seemed like a lifetime. It's powerful.
After watching it, I began to think, "What's the most important thing about this picture? What's it's greatest gift and message?" For me, it is:
* When all is said and done, it's ALL about the love. Success, nice. Comfort, wonderful -- and I really do want it! Things (including money), great. But if your heart and mind do not experience love, there's no possibility of experiencing these things at the optimum. Oh you may have a level of enjoyment even a lot of it. But the only way you can experience every drop of enjoyment is when you also experience love. That's it. Bottom line. This blog today is about love -- big picture. You fill in the names. I know who and what I think of. I have a clear picture in my mind. I'm sure about the order in which they rank in my heart.
Let's be real. Things happen in our lives. Alone with joy and happiness, we all experience varying degrees of disappointment, confusion, suffering, pain, tragedy and horror. It's not about a hierarcy. What feels like the end of the world for one may seem like nothing to another. It's so personal. So, don't even bother about trying to understand why something is so important to someone else or try to get them to understand why you're happy or sad about something that's not in their radar field. We all have things that uplife and energize and bring joy. And, in this third dimension, we all have at least one thing that makes us catch or hold our breath or grab our faces (literally or figuratively) like Macaulay Culkin did in the Home Alone movies. Others may dissapoint us, hurt us, scar us; we may do these things to ourselves. But what would you do if you thought you were going to die today. Suppose you only had 4 hours to live. What would you do with those hours? What would you want to say -- or try to say -- to the one that you care for/about? And believe it, if you're still thinking about it/them, you still care.
What would you want to take with you out of this life? Resentment or forgiveness? Hatred or love? Sorrow or joy? Regret or resolve? Uncertainty or certainty? Think about it. Not what do you want to leave behind -- rather, what do you want to take with you? Answer this question: If I only had 4 hours to live and I had the opportunity to address this person/thing that I have unanswered questions about, pain around, etc., so that I could die peacefully, happily and joyfully -- what would I do?
Write your answer to all that out, then speak it, then take action and DO it! If the person you need to reconnect with isn't available physically, emotionally or mentally -- in other words, if they're dead already or if, after you've exhausted all leads and resources, you can't reach them or if when you DO reach them THEY have no interest in resolving, reconciling or healing, you'll have to work to achieve peace within yourself alone. This is waaaaaaaaaaaay hard. It's so much easier when everyone wants to play nice together.
But let's be real, sometimes it just ain't gonna happen in this lifetime. Soooooo, this is where you reach in our out for tapped or untapped resources to work through it to your healing -- your release and relief.
A personal sharing: I had to do this when my Dad died and we had unresolved things between us. It took me 30 days to get through the desire to kill myself (literally, I considered suicide off and on for 30 days. I know that'll shock some people who know me). And it took me three years to get to a place where I could really forgive both myself and him. But do it I did. Know why? 'Cause I was not fully able to participate to the fullest in a love relationship with my children. and that's the most important relationship to me on Earth. They were my motivation to work through it. To breathe and continue breathing, and to live and enjoy life. They were my motivation to "livforjoy."
Sooooooooo, think about a person or people in your life that if you could show up fully so that you're not putting energy into or being distracted because you're guarded, shielded, hurt or suffering, replaying and rehashing the pain; but if you showed up fully, your relationship with them would be so delicious your appetite would be sated for the rest of your life. Let that person/those people be your motivation.
LIFEWORK
1. Look at the things that you're happy, content, joyful about. You get it, whatever is an upper for you. List those people, places and things on paper. What's the upper you experience with and because of them? What's the impact and to/on who or what? What makes it delicious?
2. Look at those sthings that you're not happy, etc., about. Those things that are downers. As with #1, list those people, places and things on paper. What's the downer you experience with and because of them? What's the impact and to/oh who or what? What makes it a downer?
It's very important to acknowledge and honor all your thoughts and feelings. Don't try to rationalize or justify, make excuses for, maximize or minimize. Just be real with yourself. Honor yourself, love yourself enough to admit. Whatever feelings come up, let them. Honor and embrace them. Give them voice. Let your tears come -- they'll serve as part of the healing and joy.
3. Who are your motivators? What do they mean to you? Why are they important to you? What will be the impact to them if you begin to live fully in love? If you do not? What will the impact be to you and your relationship to them if live fully in love? If you do not?
4. Now, here's how you begin to swim to the surface and not stay at the bottom. Ask and answer the question, "If I only had 4 hours to live and I was with the person or in the situation identified in #2 above, what would I and do and say so that when the 4 hours was up, I'd be happy, content, joyful about this person/situation?"
5. Whatever your answer(s), DO IT! You're probably saying, "that's easy for her to say." Yes. It is! And no, I'm not experiencing YOUR pain. But I've had my own and know what I had to do with and for that. It's true, it's easy and fast sometimes and way hard and slow at other times. Can it be done? Can you really live fully in love? Yes.
6. Remind yourself why you're doing all th work. Go back and read (and maybe even add to) #3, above.
7. Hold on to your motivators -- those people and reasons you want to be more fully joyful and joy-filled -- and step into the work. You may have sore muscle for a while, but then, like all exercise, as your muscles build, the "burn" starts to feel good, until there isn't a burn, only warmth. Feel it. That's the warm, the glow of love. Isn't that a song? No? Guess the song is That's the story of love. Well, you get my drift! (-:
8. Build your action plan, then do it. Enlist others as resources ... folk who will help you hold yourself accountable to something that will make a difference in your life and that of others who are important to you.
I love you!
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