Now that you've read what the Lord of the Akashic Records shared about each of us holding each family member in Love and Light and letting them know they are always Unconditionally Welcome, Unconditionally Loved and that you see them as Unconditionally Perfect, there are a couple of questions:
Q: Suppose I hate what someone is doing? Am I supposed to hold them in this Unconditional stuff?
Multiple choice answers:
1. No. Kick them to the curb.
2. No. Use this as the perfect opportunity to "dis" them.
3. Yes. It doesn't matter what they have done.
4. Yes. Separate the person/soul from the behavior/action.
What's your final answer?
A. 4. Yes. Separate the person/soul from the behavior/action. Consequences follow actions. While they are experiencing the consequences (either "good" or "bad") they should experience the safe haven of the family. This safety is an outcome of knowing they are Unconditionally Welcome, Loved and seen as Perfect -- no matter what. THIS is the everlasting Truth and reality. All else is only temporary.
Q. Do I hold myself in the same state? Should my self-talk be that I am Unconditionally Welcome in this life, this lifetime, this existance; that I am Unconditionally Loved; and, that I am Unconditionally Perfect?
Multiple choice answers:
1. No. This is what you say and do for/with everybody else.
2. No. That would be selfish, self-centered and egotistical.
3. No. It's everybody else's job to provide those things for me.
4. Yes.
What's your final answer?
A. 4. Remember when you travel on an airplane as the flight attendants are reviewing all the safety issues? Um hum. WHO should you put the oxygen mask on first? Riiiiiight. Not saying it's not hard work. Sometimes it is. Sometimes we don't do a good job of it and our self-talk says just the opposite. The result of that kind of self-talk is low self-esteem, abusive behavior toward ourselves, additions, disease and unrest.
LIFEWORK:
1. Please don't beat yourself with even more "negative" self-talk if you've been talking to yourself negatively!
2. Please, with thanksgiving and gratitude, look at your past behavior and, with thanksgiving and gratitude, say thank you for the opportunity to understand and experience whatever the result has been.
3. And, in the very same moment, choose again those things that are in your highest good. Journal, make a recording, do something where you are communicating to yourself that you are Unconditionally Welcome, Loved and Perfect.
4. Deliberately seek out someone you trust who lets you know you are Unconditionally Welcome, Loved and Perfect. Tell them about your new intention -- to experience these things for yourself. Ask them to help you. Come up with a plan of action.
5. Enjoy. Remember, you are replacing a habit of negative self-talk by with a new habit of loving self-talk. It's like a toddler learning to walk. You may stumble, be uncertain and even fall. When you stick to it, you'll soon walk with confidence. Enjoy!
You are Unconditionally Welcome, Loved and Perfect!
PS: The next post will be on 3-1-2010.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Unconditionally Perfect
I was watching Oprah one day several years ago. Her guest was Mattie J. T. Stepanek (1990-2004).
The young man was in a wheelchair. He was using breathing apparatus. He looked very small. My heart immediately went out to him. And I thought, ”Poor child.” Then, I listened to him as he spoke.
This young man, every breath seeming to take effort, spoke about love, peace, kindness, compassion. I continued to listen to him. This child, looking and sounding so weak, was strong and beautiful, powerful and poignant. He heart was singing and, as I listened to him, so was mine.
I did some research on Mattie (Matthew Joseph Thaddeus). I had to know about this mighty child, a David in the midst of a world of Goliaths spouting hatred, fear and lack. I found that he started writing poetry when he was three years old. You see, his older brother died and the three-year-old’s response was to write about love and life and the gift of both.
Before he died, Mattie had written thousands of poems and published six books. I call them the heart song books because most of them have the word Heartsong in their title. So appropriate. I recommend these books – all of them. They’re beautiful and a wonderful gift to yourself and anyone you love.
Now, why am I talking about this young man when this blog is titled Unconditionally Perfect? Well, when I first saw him, remember, my reaction was, “poor child.” What I was soon to understand was that this young man was one of the most beautiful spirits and gifts to the world that has ever graced the planet – in my humble opinion.
The Lords of the Akashic Records said all family members must be regarded as perfect -- whatever their physical and mental abilities. Some need more care than others, some are with us longer than others. All is perfect. Imagine if children were told of their perfection no matter what body they are in. Can you imagine how many people would not have eating disorders? Can you imagine how many people would not think they need plastic surgery to “become” beautiful? What would our world be like if everyone looked at the other and saw beauty, opportunity, possibility, glorious uniqueness, and specialty. And suppose the reaction to that was, “You are Unconditionally Perfect.” Suppose we looked at one another we eager eyes, looking upon the opportunities to learn to walk with the genius child and letting them know, You are Unconditionally Perfect.” And suppose we learned to walk with the child who learns best in ways that are “different” from the masses. Suppose that child too felt they were Unconditionally Perfect because that was the spoken and unspoken message they received. Suppose the child who learns differently and is determined to have a "learning disability" was given to understand that they too are – you got it – Unconditionally Perfect? Suppose the experience all these children had from the time of their birth to the time of their death was that they were seen through the eyes of Love. And that the entire family was thankful and grateful for the opportunity to share time when them, love and be loved by them, help and be helped by them, taught and be taught by them, learn from and with them. Can you imagine how egos and self-esteem would be shaped? Can you imagine how that child might look at a challenge in school or when learning to use a new piece of equipment or just learning to walk or to blink their eyes? I’m wondering how different the lives of psychologists, psychiatrists, ministers, coaches, teachers and other professionals who work with people who have mental, physical, emotional “issues” might be.
Imagine if from the time of your birth you were told, “You are Unconditionally Perfect.” How would your life be different?
LIFEWORK: Today, the lifework is a little different. You can make a continuum if you wish. By now, you’ve probably figured out how I would suggest you use it. The work The Lords recommended was that you:
1. Journal about you, about your being Unconditionally Perfect. If your face is scrunched up and if your breathing has changed, remember to breathe slowly and deeply. Relax. Remember, things we think of as Imperfect are exactly what they ought to be to give us and those around and with us the opportunity to grow in love, responsibility, compassion, acceptance and acknowledgement. Do you have difficulty taking time to “smell the roses?” Do you acknowledge others’ accomplishments but not your own? Can you graciously accept a compliment without apologizing or minimizing it or deflecting? This is an opportunity for you to be thankful and grateful for you being just as you are -- beauty spots, warts and all. If there’s something about yourself that you do not like or that is not serving your highest good, thank whatever it is for the perfect opportunity it provides for you to grow or learn or to make different choices and decisions. I guarantee you whatever it is, the lessons you learn because of it will help you in your interactions with others. As for myself, I was in a totally inappropriate love relationship for years. Now that I’m finally out of it, I thank God. I also thank my partner for giving me the perfect opportunity to see how I had held others in judgment about decisions they made that I thought were unhealthy for them. I used to say, “I would NEVER be with him.” And, “If he did that to me I’d ….” And, “Why do you stay in that mess?!” I had so much judgment it could have filled up the Grand Canyon and spilled over. Now, when I see someone who is making choices that I believe are hurtful to themselves or others, I hold them in love and compassion – not judgment. They’re doing what they can and need to do in this moment. I am happy for the perfect opportunity I have to support them and love them and hold the space for them to be. They don’t have to justify, make excuses or feel badly – not for me. If they need to do that, it will be for them. I see them as Unconditionally Perfect and the experiences are Unconditionally Perfect for their development as a human being, and to help me grow in my own perfection.
2. Tell at least one person each day about something they have done that you experienced as perfect. Let them know how they have impacted you and/or someone or something else. And, with grateful appreciation, please let them know you see them as Unconditionally Perfect in this area or about this thing. It might be that you thank them for the opportunity to see things differently or to have a different experience. As you do this, you will find more and more that you will see perfection around you – and that will be a blessing for and to the person you are speaking with, to you, to the environment and (remember the Butterfly Effect) to the planet. I got my hair cut today and told my stylist her work reminds me of the perfection of Michelangelo’s David. As he looked at the block of marble and reportedly said he removed everything that didn’t belong, I told her that is how she styles. She simply cuts away everything that doesn’t belong in her vision, and it’s always a masterpiece, always perfect. You should have seen her smile! It’s easy, folks. Make it real.
Please share with us your stories of the Unconditional Perfection of yourself and others. I’m eager to read them. I know they will be great, wonderful and perfect because, after all, you are Unconditionally Perfect!
The young man was in a wheelchair. He was using breathing apparatus. He looked very small. My heart immediately went out to him. And I thought, ”Poor child.” Then, I listened to him as he spoke.
This young man, every breath seeming to take effort, spoke about love, peace, kindness, compassion. I continued to listen to him. This child, looking and sounding so weak, was strong and beautiful, powerful and poignant. He heart was singing and, as I listened to him, so was mine.
I did some research on Mattie (Matthew Joseph Thaddeus). I had to know about this mighty child, a David in the midst of a world of Goliaths spouting hatred, fear and lack. I found that he started writing poetry when he was three years old. You see, his older brother died and the three-year-old’s response was to write about love and life and the gift of both.
Before he died, Mattie had written thousands of poems and published six books. I call them the heart song books because most of them have the word Heartsong in their title. So appropriate. I recommend these books – all of them. They’re beautiful and a wonderful gift to yourself and anyone you love.
Now, why am I talking about this young man when this blog is titled Unconditionally Perfect? Well, when I first saw him, remember, my reaction was, “poor child.” What I was soon to understand was that this young man was one of the most beautiful spirits and gifts to the world that has ever graced the planet – in my humble opinion.
The Lords of the Akashic Records said all family members must be regarded as perfect -- whatever their physical and mental abilities. Some need more care than others, some are with us longer than others. All is perfect. Imagine if children were told of their perfection no matter what body they are in. Can you imagine how many people would not have eating disorders? Can you imagine how many people would not think they need plastic surgery to “become” beautiful? What would our world be like if everyone looked at the other and saw beauty, opportunity, possibility, glorious uniqueness, and specialty. And suppose the reaction to that was, “You are Unconditionally Perfect.” Suppose we looked at one another we eager eyes, looking upon the opportunities to learn to walk with the genius child and letting them know, You are Unconditionally Perfect.” And suppose we learned to walk with the child who learns best in ways that are “different” from the masses. Suppose that child too felt they were Unconditionally Perfect because that was the spoken and unspoken message they received. Suppose the child who learns differently and is determined to have a "learning disability" was given to understand that they too are – you got it – Unconditionally Perfect? Suppose the experience all these children had from the time of their birth to the time of their death was that they were seen through the eyes of Love. And that the entire family was thankful and grateful for the opportunity to share time when them, love and be loved by them, help and be helped by them, taught and be taught by them, learn from and with them. Can you imagine how egos and self-esteem would be shaped? Can you imagine how that child might look at a challenge in school or when learning to use a new piece of equipment or just learning to walk or to blink their eyes? I’m wondering how different the lives of psychologists, psychiatrists, ministers, coaches, teachers and other professionals who work with people who have mental, physical, emotional “issues” might be.
Imagine if from the time of your birth you were told, “You are Unconditionally Perfect.” How would your life be different?
LIFEWORK: Today, the lifework is a little different. You can make a continuum if you wish. By now, you’ve probably figured out how I would suggest you use it. The work The Lords recommended was that you:
1. Journal about you, about your being Unconditionally Perfect. If your face is scrunched up and if your breathing has changed, remember to breathe slowly and deeply. Relax. Remember, things we think of as Imperfect are exactly what they ought to be to give us and those around and with us the opportunity to grow in love, responsibility, compassion, acceptance and acknowledgement. Do you have difficulty taking time to “smell the roses?” Do you acknowledge others’ accomplishments but not your own? Can you graciously accept a compliment without apologizing or minimizing it or deflecting? This is an opportunity for you to be thankful and grateful for you being just as you are -- beauty spots, warts and all. If there’s something about yourself that you do not like or that is not serving your highest good, thank whatever it is for the perfect opportunity it provides for you to grow or learn or to make different choices and decisions. I guarantee you whatever it is, the lessons you learn because of it will help you in your interactions with others. As for myself, I was in a totally inappropriate love relationship for years. Now that I’m finally out of it, I thank God. I also thank my partner for giving me the perfect opportunity to see how I had held others in judgment about decisions they made that I thought were unhealthy for them. I used to say, “I would NEVER be with him.” And, “If he did that to me I’d ….” And, “Why do you stay in that mess?!” I had so much judgment it could have filled up the Grand Canyon and spilled over. Now, when I see someone who is making choices that I believe are hurtful to themselves or others, I hold them in love and compassion – not judgment. They’re doing what they can and need to do in this moment. I am happy for the perfect opportunity I have to support them and love them and hold the space for them to be. They don’t have to justify, make excuses or feel badly – not for me. If they need to do that, it will be for them. I see them as Unconditionally Perfect and the experiences are Unconditionally Perfect for their development as a human being, and to help me grow in my own perfection.
2. Tell at least one person each day about something they have done that you experienced as perfect. Let them know how they have impacted you and/or someone or something else. And, with grateful appreciation, please let them know you see them as Unconditionally Perfect in this area or about this thing. It might be that you thank them for the opportunity to see things differently or to have a different experience. As you do this, you will find more and more that you will see perfection around you – and that will be a blessing for and to the person you are speaking with, to you, to the environment and (remember the Butterfly Effect) to the planet. I got my hair cut today and told my stylist her work reminds me of the perfection of Michelangelo’s David. As he looked at the block of marble and reportedly said he removed everything that didn’t belong, I told her that is how she styles. She simply cuts away everything that doesn’t belong in her vision, and it’s always a masterpiece, always perfect. You should have seen her smile! It’s easy, folks. Make it real.
Please share with us your stories of the Unconditional Perfection of yourself and others. I’m eager to read them. I know they will be great, wonderful and perfect because, after all, you are Unconditionally Perfect!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Unconditionally Welcomed
Let’s do a little visioning. Think about a time when you or someone you know really well was the guest of honor at a function or event. A time when the “red carpet” was rolled out for you and you knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the folk who invited you really respected, admired and loved you. Got it? For those of you who have never had that experience, try to imagine what you would feel like.
Step 1: Take a moment and write down your feelings about yourself and your feelings about the person or people who rolled out the red carpet for you when you felt you were expected, welcomed and highly respected, valued and appreciated.
Step 2: Next, write down the list of things they said and did (or what you wish they had done) that helped you feel Unconditionally Welcomed.
Here’s what The Lords of the Akashic Records told me each family member should do and say to every other family member so they would experience being Unconditionally Welcomed. Use this list to complement the one you have just developed in Step 2, above.
Each family member should let ever other family member know through their words and actions that:
1. Your being in this family is a joy. I count it a privilege to have you here. You are one of us and we are one with you. You are one with me and I am one with you.
2. You are not an accident. Whatever the circumstances of you conception and birth, you are Unconditionally Welcomed.
3. There’s a special place in my heart, in my home and at my table that is set for you and you alone. And while I love every other member of the family. I love no one else like I love you. You are welcome, unconditionally. I, nor the family would be the same if you were not here or if you were different. You are welcome, unconditionally, just the way you are.
4. When we agree with one another and see eye-to-eye and when we do not, I will celebrate the privilege of knowing and loving you. Thank you for coming into this family so that I can enjoy knowing and being with you, sharing experiences that are exciting, scary, happy or sad. Each experience is more exciting and I am happier because I can share it with you. My fears and sadness are lighter because of you. And I am here to return those gifts to you.
5. There may be a time when one of us chooses to be away from the other. If that happens, know with certainty that your place with me and with the family is protected and reserved, just for you. You are and will always be Unconditionally Welcomed.
Are there situations that preclude you from feeling, believing and communicating Unconditional Welcome to any of your family members? Can you let them know they are always welcome in your heart while not being welcome in your home – for safety reasons, etc.? How can you let them know those two realities co-exist? How will it help them? How will it help you? How will it help your family to let them know it? What would you want them to do if the roles and situations were reversed and you were the one who is on the outside looking in?
These are serious questions, folks. So many people are excluded from their families. They have no one and nowhere to turn to, no one to trust completely, no safe haven for protection of their hearts. Many people feel they are intruding, visiting, roaming – that they don’t have a landing place, a safe haven, a home. Home is not a building – that’s a house. Home. What is it? It is the state of emotional as well as physical safety.
LIFEWORK:
Time to make a continuum again. This one is titled, “Unconditionally Welcomed.”
Create a scale of 0 to ten with 0 = I have to work to even look at you!, 5 = You are welcome, conditionally and 10 = You are Unconditionally Welcomed.
Now, plot the names of your family members on the continuum. Now look at the list you developed in Step 2 above and the list shared by The Lords of The Records. When you look at these behaviors, which do you give to those family members plotted as 8-10? How about 5-7? 1-4?
Think about how it impacts you when you know you are Unconditionally Welcomed. How has it impacted you – who you are and what you do? What do you want your family members to experience?
Reach out to at least 2 family members over the next couple of days. Let them know they are Unconditionally Welcomed in your heart, your home and life. And if anyone is not, revisit the things you identified in the Unconditionally Loved message. Begin there so that you can build a relationship of love and trust that will lead to your being able to say, “You are Unconditionally Welcomed.”
Thank you for checking in. You are Unconditionally Welcomed!
Step 1: Take a moment and write down your feelings about yourself and your feelings about the person or people who rolled out the red carpet for you when you felt you were expected, welcomed and highly respected, valued and appreciated.
Step 2: Next, write down the list of things they said and did (or what you wish they had done) that helped you feel Unconditionally Welcomed.
Here’s what The Lords of the Akashic Records told me each family member should do and say to every other family member so they would experience being Unconditionally Welcomed. Use this list to complement the one you have just developed in Step 2, above.
Each family member should let ever other family member know through their words and actions that:
1. Your being in this family is a joy. I count it a privilege to have you here. You are one of us and we are one with you. You are one with me and I am one with you.
2. You are not an accident. Whatever the circumstances of you conception and birth, you are Unconditionally Welcomed.
3. There’s a special place in my heart, in my home and at my table that is set for you and you alone. And while I love every other member of the family. I love no one else like I love you. You are welcome, unconditionally. I, nor the family would be the same if you were not here or if you were different. You are welcome, unconditionally, just the way you are.
4. When we agree with one another and see eye-to-eye and when we do not, I will celebrate the privilege of knowing and loving you. Thank you for coming into this family so that I can enjoy knowing and being with you, sharing experiences that are exciting, scary, happy or sad. Each experience is more exciting and I am happier because I can share it with you. My fears and sadness are lighter because of you. And I am here to return those gifts to you.
5. There may be a time when one of us chooses to be away from the other. If that happens, know with certainty that your place with me and with the family is protected and reserved, just for you. You are and will always be Unconditionally Welcomed.
Are there situations that preclude you from feeling, believing and communicating Unconditional Welcome to any of your family members? Can you let them know they are always welcome in your heart while not being welcome in your home – for safety reasons, etc.? How can you let them know those two realities co-exist? How will it help them? How will it help you? How will it help your family to let them know it? What would you want them to do if the roles and situations were reversed and you were the one who is on the outside looking in?
These are serious questions, folks. So many people are excluded from their families. They have no one and nowhere to turn to, no one to trust completely, no safe haven for protection of their hearts. Many people feel they are intruding, visiting, roaming – that they don’t have a landing place, a safe haven, a home. Home is not a building – that’s a house. Home. What is it? It is the state of emotional as well as physical safety.
LIFEWORK:
Time to make a continuum again. This one is titled, “Unconditionally Welcomed.”
Create a scale of 0 to ten with 0 = I have to work to even look at you!, 5 = You are welcome, conditionally and 10 = You are Unconditionally Welcomed.
Now, plot the names of your family members on the continuum. Now look at the list you developed in Step 2 above and the list shared by The Lords of The Records. When you look at these behaviors, which do you give to those family members plotted as 8-10? How about 5-7? 1-4?
Think about how it impacts you when you know you are Unconditionally Welcomed. How has it impacted you – who you are and what you do? What do you want your family members to experience?
Reach out to at least 2 family members over the next couple of days. Let them know they are Unconditionally Welcomed in your heart, your home and life. And if anyone is not, revisit the things you identified in the Unconditionally Loved message. Begin there so that you can build a relationship of love and trust that will lead to your being able to say, “You are Unconditionally Welcomed.”
Thank you for checking in. You are Unconditionally Welcomed!
Friday, February 19, 2010
How to leave a comment on this blog
1. Go to the end of the post you want to leave a comment about.
2. Click on "comments." The word will be preceded by a number, which indicates how many comments have already been posted.
3. Post your comment in the "Post your comment" window.
4. Preview your comment, if you like.
5. When you are ready to post your comment, click on the Post Comment drop-down menu arrow.
6. If you have an account with one of the providers that's listed on the menu (e.g., Google), click on that and proceed as directed.
7. If you do not have an account with one of the providers and don't want to open one, click on "anonymous." You're almost finished.
8. If you choose, "anonymous," You'll probably be shown a word that you'll have to retype for security purposes. Retype it in the window and then click "submit" and you're done!
I look forward to reading your comments! Thank you for letting me know you were having trouble leaving them.
I love you Unconditionally!
2. Click on "comments." The word will be preceded by a number, which indicates how many comments have already been posted.
3. Post your comment in the "Post your comment" window.
4. Preview your comment, if you like.
5. When you are ready to post your comment, click on the Post Comment drop-down menu arrow.
6. If you have an account with one of the providers that's listed on the menu (e.g., Google), click on that and proceed as directed.
7. If you do not have an account with one of the providers and don't want to open one, click on "anonymous." You're almost finished.
8. If you choose, "anonymous," You'll probably be shown a word that you'll have to retype for security purposes. Retype it in the window and then click "submit" and you're done!
I look forward to reading your comments! Thank you for letting me know you were having trouble leaving them.
I love you Unconditionally!
Unconditional Love
Yesterday, I posted the 3 guidelines The Lords of the Akashic Records shared with me that are part of the purpose of family. Each family member is to demonstrate behaviors toward themselves and the other family members that create the reality that they are all: (1) Unconditionally Welcome, (2) Unconditionally Loved and (3) Unconditionally Perfect. I promised that today I'd post information explaining what each of the guidelines means. I was going to start with the first one -- Unconditionally Welcome. But I'm going to begin with the second. And here's why. Today, Tiger Woods appeared on TV and gave a statement of apology regarding his behavior (extra-marital affairs) that led to separation from his wife and children, loss (some temporary and some permanent) of corporate sponsors, voluntary therapy, etc.
Whatever your position regarding Tiger's behavior and this situation, I want to post what his Mother (Kultida Woods) said to him. At the end of his statement, Tiger went to his Mother and they embraced. AP golf writer Doug Ferguson reported what Mrs. Woods said she told her son as they embraced and as she rubbed his back, shoulder and arm. She said: "I said 'I'm so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you.'" http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100219/ap_on_sp_go_ne/glf_tiger_woods.
Folks, this is what "Unconditional Love" is all about. The Lords told me, "Family members are to create and hold the space, demonstrate behaviors that let each family member know, 'No matter what you do or do not say or do, I love you. You are not alone. I will stand with you. There is nothing you can do that will outweigh or overshadow, change, taint or diminish my love for you. I am here for you now and so I will always be.'"
So, back to Tiger Woods' Mother. I don't know how she feels. I only believe I have a clue about how I might feel if Tiger were my son. I believe I would feel embarrassed for him, for myself, his wife and children, our family and for any number of others. I believe that initially I would have judgement about why he did what he did, the way he did it. Along with all of that, before that and after that, I know I would love him. Simply love him. I know that because I have children and that's how I feel and have felt about them when they did things I cried tears of happiness about and when I cried tears of sadness about.
I would be and provide a safe place for my son to come and be who he is without pretense or guarding. I would hold a space for him to be safe to work through his feelings and thoughts about his past, present and future. And, through it all, I would have him know, "My love (my quote here), I love you. NOTHING you can do or say will ever change or diminish that. I am proud of you and all you have accomplished and of the man you are. You have made some mistakes. I have made some too. And I thank you for loving me, mistakes, successes and all. And I thank God for the opportunity to be your Mother and to love you, mistakes, successes and all."
Folks, THIS is Unconditional Love. It involves what we think, feel, do and say to ourselves and to each individual family member. And it's all about experiencing Unconditional Love if we agree or not. If we are proud or if we are embarrassed. If we are happy or if we are sad. When it's easy and when it's difficult.
LIFEWORK: (There will always be a LIFEWORK section on this Blog. I used to call it, "Homework." But, the Lords have told me that I should call it LIFEWORK. And so it is!)
On a scale of 0-10, infidelity sits at different places for different people, depending upon where you are in your life's journey, your values and beliefs, your relationship with the individual(s) involved, etc. That's Tiger's story.
Here's what we can do to make Unconditional Love a reality for ourselves and our family members. I encourage you to:
1. Make a list of all your family members. Begin with the ones that are closest to you, in your inner circle (e.g., partner/spouse, children, parents, siblings). Do not be distracted about who is in your inner circle. There are no expectations. One parent may be close to you and another not. One sibling or child or cousin may be there and others not. Give yourself some Unconditional Love and don't be judgemental about it. Just be real. Then list those who are in the next level -- close, but not as close. You love them, but maybe not as much or perhaps it's not as easy to love them as it is to love someone in the first circle of family. Continue listing family members until you have listed all of your family. You may also add friends who are like family.
2. Make a continuum from 0-10. This will be your Unconditional Love Continuum.
0 = I have to work to even like you!
5 = I love you, conditionally
10 = I love you Unconditionally.
3. Plot each of your family members on the continuum. Be honest. And plot yourself on the continuum also.
4. Now, identify one person who you've plotted at 8 or higher. Reach out to them. Call or visit or write to them. Let them know you love them UNCONDITIONALLY. Tell them why you do and the benefits you and others receive because they are in your life and that of others.
5. Ask what you are currently doing that lets them experience your Unconditional Love for them. Take mental and/or physical notes so you can be sure to repeat the things they are saying. (This also sends a message to your family member that what they are sharing is important to you.)
6. Ask them what you can begin doing that will let them experience your Unconditional Love even more. Here, you might focus on certain situations, instances where you might have experienced some heartburn or need for caution, e.g., "When I have to say "no" to you, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love when the answer is and will continue to be "no?" Or, "When we disagree, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love as we discuss, debate and even argue?" Or, "When you have a success, what do you want me to do so that you experience my Unconditional Love for you as well as my happiness and joy for your success?"
7. Let them know what they are doing so that you experience their Unconditional Love for you as well--IF that is your experience.
Notes about #7:
-- Step 4-6 might take a while. If so, or if you would just like to bask in the deliciousness of what you share, learn and confirm, do #7 at a later time.
-- If you do not currently experience Unconditional Love from the family member you are speaking with, you will not be able to take Step 7 at this time. Be confident in this, however. As you embark upon exercises like this, relationships grow. And, after you have brought this to the attention of your family member, have shared your intention and commitment with them, it WILL impact their behavior toward you as well. Be encouraged. You'll be on the road to a relationship that you truly desire, deserve and are intended to have.
8. Speak with each member of your family, working your way from those who you've plotted on the higher end of the continuum to those who are on the lower end. You'll experience several things are you are doing this Lifework:
-- You'll build your Unconditional Love Muscles.
-- You'll identify specific behaviors that are associated with and demonstrate Unconditional Love -- You'll be able to move family members along the continuum.
Now, let's be real. If someone is all the way at 0, you may not move them to 10 in a short period of time. Remember to celebrate when you can move them even one place on the scale. And, with these people, the conversation might focus on the benefits of loving one another unconditionally. (You will have identified some of possible benefits during your conversations with other family members.) Remember to separate behavior from the person. Some behaviors may be minus 2 scazillion to you. The challenge is what can you do to demonstrate Unconditional Love for your family member while addressing the behavior that you do not love. Oh yeah. That may present an interesting challenge. And, if it is, it will provide an opportunity for you to really embrace yourself with Unconditional Love before beginning the conversation with your family member. You might even find it helpful to state your intention -- to discuss difficult, even painful things and to move through them while experiencing Unconditional Love for one another. Identify behaviors that have to be demonstrated so this will be so. Now THAT'S a delicious piece of Lifework!
9. Create an Unconditional Love Celebration! Somehow, whoop it up! Let it be known throughout the family what you're doing and why, the benefits to each individual and to the whole family. It will catch on and infect others because it's so delicious. It feeds our emotional hearts and, unfortunately, many of our hearts are suffering from malnutrition, starvation and poisoning.
Well, there you have it! That's the message and Lifework for today! Let me know what you think and how you feel about it.
I love you, unconditionally!
Whatever your position regarding Tiger's behavior and this situation, I want to post what his Mother (Kultida Woods) said to him. At the end of his statement, Tiger went to his Mother and they embraced. AP golf writer Doug Ferguson reported what Mrs. Woods said she told her son as they embraced and as she rubbed his back, shoulder and arm. She said: "I said 'I'm so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you.'" http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100219/ap_on_sp_go_ne/glf_tiger_woods.
Folks, this is what "Unconditional Love" is all about. The Lords told me, "Family members are to create and hold the space, demonstrate behaviors that let each family member know, 'No matter what you do or do not say or do, I love you. You are not alone. I will stand with you. There is nothing you can do that will outweigh or overshadow, change, taint or diminish my love for you. I am here for you now and so I will always be.'"
So, back to Tiger Woods' Mother. I don't know how she feels. I only believe I have a clue about how I might feel if Tiger were my son. I believe I would feel embarrassed for him, for myself, his wife and children, our family and for any number of others. I believe that initially I would have judgement about why he did what he did, the way he did it. Along with all of that, before that and after that, I know I would love him. Simply love him. I know that because I have children and that's how I feel and have felt about them when they did things I cried tears of happiness about and when I cried tears of sadness about.
I would be and provide a safe place for my son to come and be who he is without pretense or guarding. I would hold a space for him to be safe to work through his feelings and thoughts about his past, present and future. And, through it all, I would have him know, "My love (my quote here), I love you. NOTHING you can do or say will ever change or diminish that. I am proud of you and all you have accomplished and of the man you are. You have made some mistakes. I have made some too. And I thank you for loving me, mistakes, successes and all. And I thank God for the opportunity to be your Mother and to love you, mistakes, successes and all."
Folks, THIS is Unconditional Love. It involves what we think, feel, do and say to ourselves and to each individual family member. And it's all about experiencing Unconditional Love if we agree or not. If we are proud or if we are embarrassed. If we are happy or if we are sad. When it's easy and when it's difficult.
LIFEWORK: (There will always be a LIFEWORK section on this Blog. I used to call it, "Homework." But, the Lords have told me that I should call it LIFEWORK. And so it is!)
On a scale of 0-10, infidelity sits at different places for different people, depending upon where you are in your life's journey, your values and beliefs, your relationship with the individual(s) involved, etc. That's Tiger's story.
Here's what we can do to make Unconditional Love a reality for ourselves and our family members. I encourage you to:
1. Make a list of all your family members. Begin with the ones that are closest to you, in your inner circle (e.g., partner/spouse, children, parents, siblings). Do not be distracted about who is in your inner circle. There are no expectations. One parent may be close to you and another not. One sibling or child or cousin may be there and others not. Give yourself some Unconditional Love and don't be judgemental about it. Just be real. Then list those who are in the next level -- close, but not as close. You love them, but maybe not as much or perhaps it's not as easy to love them as it is to love someone in the first circle of family. Continue listing family members until you have listed all of your family. You may also add friends who are like family.
2. Make a continuum from 0-10. This will be your Unconditional Love Continuum.
0 = I have to work to even like you!
5 = I love you, conditionally
10 = I love you Unconditionally.
3. Plot each of your family members on the continuum. Be honest. And plot yourself on the continuum also.
4. Now, identify one person who you've plotted at 8 or higher. Reach out to them. Call or visit or write to them. Let them know you love them UNCONDITIONALLY. Tell them why you do and the benefits you and others receive because they are in your life and that of others.
5. Ask what you are currently doing that lets them experience your Unconditional Love for them. Take mental and/or physical notes so you can be sure to repeat the things they are saying. (This also sends a message to your family member that what they are sharing is important to you.)
6. Ask them what you can begin doing that will let them experience your Unconditional Love even more. Here, you might focus on certain situations, instances where you might have experienced some heartburn or need for caution, e.g., "When I have to say "no" to you, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love when the answer is and will continue to be "no?" Or, "When we disagree, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love as we discuss, debate and even argue?" Or, "When you have a success, what do you want me to do so that you experience my Unconditional Love for you as well as my happiness and joy for your success?"
7. Let them know what they are doing so that you experience their Unconditional Love for you as well--IF that is your experience.
Notes about #7:
-- Step 4-6 might take a while. If so, or if you would just like to bask in the deliciousness of what you share, learn and confirm, do #7 at a later time.
-- If you do not currently experience Unconditional Love from the family member you are speaking with, you will not be able to take Step 7 at this time. Be confident in this, however. As you embark upon exercises like this, relationships grow. And, after you have brought this to the attention of your family member, have shared your intention and commitment with them, it WILL impact their behavior toward you as well. Be encouraged. You'll be on the road to a relationship that you truly desire, deserve and are intended to have.
8. Speak with each member of your family, working your way from those who you've plotted on the higher end of the continuum to those who are on the lower end. You'll experience several things are you are doing this Lifework:
-- You'll build your Unconditional Love Muscles.
-- You'll identify specific behaviors that are associated with and demonstrate Unconditional Love -- You'll be able to move family members along the continuum.
Now, let's be real. If someone is all the way at 0, you may not move them to 10 in a short period of time. Remember to celebrate when you can move them even one place on the scale. And, with these people, the conversation might focus on the benefits of loving one another unconditionally. (You will have identified some of possible benefits during your conversations with other family members.) Remember to separate behavior from the person. Some behaviors may be minus 2 scazillion to you. The challenge is what can you do to demonstrate Unconditional Love for your family member while addressing the behavior that you do not love. Oh yeah. That may present an interesting challenge. And, if it is, it will provide an opportunity for you to really embrace yourself with Unconditional Love before beginning the conversation with your family member. You might even find it helpful to state your intention -- to discuss difficult, even painful things and to move through them while experiencing Unconditional Love for one another. Identify behaviors that have to be demonstrated so this will be so. Now THAT'S a delicious piece of Lifework!
9. Create an Unconditional Love Celebration! Somehow, whoop it up! Let it be known throughout the family what you're doing and why, the benefits to each individual and to the whole family. It will catch on and infect others because it's so delicious. It feeds our emotional hearts and, unfortunately, many of our hearts are suffering from malnutrition, starvation and poisoning.
Well, there you have it! That's the message and Lifework for today! Let me know what you think and how you feel about it.
I love you, unconditionally!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Purpose of Family
During an Akashic Records reading with a client, the Lords of the Records shared this message: the purpose of family. It is to provide a place and relationships where everyone's experience is that they are: 1. Unconditionally Welcome, 2. Unconditionally Loved, 3. Unconditionally Perfect.
Over the next several days I'll explain what these three powerful guidelines mean.
Over the next several days I'll explain what these three powerful guidelines mean.
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