Unconditional Love

Yesterday, I posted the 3 guidelines The Lords of the Akashic Records shared with me that are part of the purpose of family. Each family member is to demonstrate behaviors toward themselves and the other family members that create the reality that they are all: (1) Unconditionally Welcome, (2) Unconditionally Loved and (3) Unconditionally Perfect. I promised that today I'd post information explaining what each of the guidelines means. I was going to start with the first one -- Unconditionally Welcome. But I'm going to begin with the second. And here's why. Today, Tiger Woods appeared on TV and gave a statement of apology regarding his behavior (extra-marital affairs) that led to separation from his wife and children, loss (some temporary and some permanent) of corporate sponsors, voluntary therapy, etc.

Whatever your position regarding Tiger's behavior and this situation, I want to post what his Mother (Kultida Woods) said to him. At the end of his statement, Tiger went to his Mother and they embraced. AP golf writer Doug Ferguson reported what Mrs. Woods said she told her son as they embraced and as she rubbed his back, shoulder and arm. She said: "I said 'I'm so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you.'" http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100219/ap_on_sp_go_ne/glf_tiger_woods.

Folks, this is what "Unconditional Love" is all about. The Lords told me, "Family members are to create and hold the space, demonstrate behaviors that let each family member know, 'No matter what you do or do not say or do, I love you. You are not alone. I will stand with you. There is nothing you can do that will outweigh or overshadow, change, taint or diminish my love for you. I am here for you now and so I will always be.'"

So, back to Tiger Woods' Mother. I don't know how she feels. I only believe I have a clue about how I might feel if Tiger were my son. I believe I would feel embarrassed for him, for myself, his wife and children, our family and for any number of others. I believe that initially I would have judgement about why he did what he did, the way he did it. Along with all of that, before that and after that, I know I would love him. Simply love him. I know that because I have children and that's how I feel and have felt about them when they did things I cried tears of happiness about and when I cried tears of sadness about.

I would be and provide a safe place for my son to come and be who he is without pretense or guarding. I would hold a space for him to be safe to work through his feelings and thoughts about his past, present and future. And, through it all, I would have him know, "My love (my quote here), I love you. NOTHING you can do or say will ever change or diminish that. I am proud of you and all you have accomplished and of the man you are. You have made some mistakes. I have made some too. And I thank you for loving me, mistakes, successes and all. And I thank God for the opportunity to be your Mother and to love you, mistakes, successes and all."

Folks, THIS is Unconditional Love. It involves what we think, feel, do and say to ourselves and to each individual family member. And it's all about experiencing Unconditional Love if we agree or not. If we are proud or if we are embarrassed. If we are happy or if we are sad. When it's easy and when it's difficult.

LIFEWORK: (There will always be a LIFEWORK section on this Blog. I used to call it, "Homework." But, the Lords have told me that I should call it LIFEWORK. And so it is!)

On a scale of 0-10, infidelity sits at different places for different people, depending upon where you are in your life's journey, your values and beliefs, your relationship with the individual(s) involved, etc. That's Tiger's story.

Here's what we can do to make Unconditional Love a reality for ourselves and our family members. I encourage you to:
1. Make a list of all your family members. Begin with the ones that are closest to you, in your inner circle (e.g., partner/spouse, children, parents, siblings). Do not be distracted about who is in your inner circle. There are no expectations. One parent may be close to you and another not. One sibling or child or cousin may be there and others not. Give yourself some Unconditional Love and don't be judgemental about it. Just be real. Then list those who are in the next level -- close, but not as close. You love them, but maybe not as much or perhaps it's not as easy to love them as it is to love someone in the first circle of family. Continue listing family members until you have listed all of your family. You may also add friends who are like family.
2. Make a continuum from 0-10. This will be your Unconditional Love Continuum.
0 = I have to work to even like you!
5 = I love you, conditionally
10 = I love you Unconditionally.
3. Plot each of your family members on the continuum. Be honest. And plot yourself on the continuum also.
4. Now, identify one person who you've plotted at 8 or higher. Reach out to them. Call or visit or write to them. Let them know you love them UNCONDITIONALLY. Tell them why you do and the benefits you and others receive because they are in your life and that of others.
5. Ask what you are currently doing that lets them experience your Unconditional Love for them. Take mental and/or physical notes so you can be sure to repeat the things they are saying. (This also sends a message to your family member that what they are sharing is important to you.)
6. Ask them what you can begin doing that will let them experience your Unconditional Love even more. Here, you might focus on certain situations, instances where you might have experienced some heartburn or need for caution, e.g., "When I have to say "no" to you, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love when the answer is and will continue to be "no?" Or, "When we disagree, what can I do so that you experience my Unconditional Love as we discuss, debate and even argue?" Or, "When you have a success, what do you want me to do so that you experience my Unconditional Love for you as well as my happiness and joy for your success?"
7. Let them know what they are doing so that you experience their Unconditional Love for you as well--IF that is your experience.
Notes about #7:
-- Step 4-6 might take a while. If so, or if you would just like to bask in the deliciousness of what you share, learn and confirm, do #7 at a later time.
-- If you do not currently experience Unconditional Love from the family member you are speaking with, you will not be able to take Step 7 at this time. Be confident in this, however. As you embark upon exercises like this, relationships grow. And, after you have brought this to the attention of your family member, have shared your intention and commitment with them, it WILL impact their behavior toward you as well. Be encouraged. You'll be on the road to a relationship that you truly desire, deserve and are intended to have.
8. Speak with each member of your family, working your way from those who you've plotted on the higher end of the continuum to those who are on the lower end. You'll experience several things are you are doing this Lifework:
-- You'll build your Unconditional Love Muscles.
-- You'll identify specific behaviors that are associated with and demonstrate Unconditional Love -- You'll be able to move family members along the continuum.

Now, let's be real. If someone is all the way at 0, you may not move them to 10 in a short period of time. Remember to celebrate when you can move them even one place on the scale. And, with these people, the conversation might focus on the benefits of loving one another unconditionally. (You will have identified some of possible benefits during your conversations with other family members.) Remember to separate behavior from the person. Some behaviors may be minus 2 scazillion to you. The challenge is what can you do to demonstrate Unconditional Love for your family member while addressing the behavior that you do not love. Oh yeah. That may present an interesting challenge. And, if it is, it will provide an opportunity for you to really embrace yourself with Unconditional Love before beginning the conversation with your family member. You might even find it helpful to state your intention -- to discuss difficult, even painful things and to move through them while experiencing Unconditional Love for one another. Identify behaviors that have to be demonstrated so this will be so. Now THAT'S a delicious piece of Lifework!
9. Create an Unconditional Love Celebration! Somehow, whoop it up! Let it be known throughout the family what you're doing and why, the benefits to each individual and to the whole family. It will catch on and infect others because it's so delicious. It feeds our emotional hearts and, unfortunately, many of our hearts are suffering from malnutrition, starvation and poisoning.

Well, there you have it! That's the message and Lifework for today! Let me know what you think and how you feel about it.

I love you, unconditionally!